


Peace

by everythings_an_act



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, But they’re okay I swear this is cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Miguel is an addict, References to Drugs, References to Sex, This was gonna be happy, and added that last paragraph, and it was, but then the day after I published it I went hmmm, connor has bpd, idk dude they’re just vibing, let them be cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:42:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythings_an_act/pseuds/everythings_an_act
Summary: A brief history of the phases of Connor and Miguel’s relationship
Relationships: Miguel/Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Peace

**Author's Note:**

> There’s not enough content for them so I made some. Low key based off of Peace by Taylor Swift cause I’m a swiftie on main

Connor and Miguel had seen a lot of ups and downs in their relationship. Highs that were... just that. Getting high in the privacy of their rooms and kissing until their lips were sore. Giving voice to all of their wildest dreams that they never thought they’d say out loud. Making the most ridiculous promises to each other about growing up and getting married and having a life. And lows that felt like a thousand cuts scattered across their bodies. Times where Connor’s BPD had him convinced that everything Miguel had done was out of pity, where he screamed and yelled and sobbed and Miguel just sat there, waiting until Connor had tired himself out enough to collapse and sob in Miguel’s arms. And days when Miguel’s entire body shook from withdrawal and he couldn’t even bear to let Connor speak with the pounding in his head, and he would just lay in his arms for hours on end.

At the beginning, there was fear. Connor being scared of letting anyone close enough to see him. Really, truly see him. And, at the same time, scared of pushing him away. Pushing away the one person who knew how to be gentle and caring and exactly what Connor needed at any time. And Miguel being scared that eventually he’d lead Connor into what he was doing. That someday Connor would ask to join and he’d be too fucked up to say no. And both of them scared of hurting the other. It wasn’t really a secret that neither of them were stable. One cut too deep could send Connor into oblivion, one high too many for Miguel. They were scared of leaving the other alone. Of working their way into the other’s life like vines and suddenly getting yanked out, sending them crashing down.

After that, there was excitement. When they started to realize they really had something going. When they’d spend their days running out and about with ecstatic grins and then make it back to one of their houses to spend the night in a haze of moans and cries and pure bliss that came back as a quite literal pain in the ass the next morning. A phase of their relationship that was the epitome of a teenage dream. Sex and love and not a care in the world.

Those months were followed one of anxiety. Where they started to settle down. When maybe they’d just sit together all night, not doing anything. When their kisses slowed and rarely led to anything. And Connor was convinced it meant they were falling apart. That he was doing something to push them apart. That the lack of pure adrenaline and ecstasy meant a lack of passion and love. It was a month of crying in the dark at three in the morning, of smoking nearly every night, of angry red marks on his arms.

But now... now he had arrived at peace. Peace in the realization that their calmness meant nothing other than strength, and longevity, and security. That they were stable and happy and really, truly in love. And of course they weren’t perfect. Of course there were days when Connor got paranoid and screamed, or when Miguel drew into himself and got defensive and accusatory. But they knew how to deal with it all. How to deal with whatever came their way. And that was all either of them could ask for.

But nothing lasts forever. Not even true love.


End file.
